Dear Birth Mom,
Though many times I try to forget you, I can't help but see your face in our son....he has big black eyes and a smile that warms your heart....Though I don't know where you are or what you look like, I think about you everyday....sometimes with love, and sometimes with anger....I wonder what you would say to me if you met me, and what i would say to you...some days i feel that i would hug you and just cry...for all the pain and love that I feel in our son....and some days i feel that i would just scream....for the loneliness i often see in his eyes and the doubt in his heart....but i love your son...our son....it scares me to know that one day he will ask about you....because though i know i want him to cherish you, i am scared that he will want to know so much more than i will ever be able to give him....and with those unanswered questions, i am afraid that he will feel empty....every day i feel that i try so hard to love him and to give him everything he needs, but often i feel like a failure, because every kid wants to know where they come from....he belongs with me, but comes from you....and no matter how hard i try to feel that i will be enough, i know that he will never feel complete without knowing about you....and days like that, i am angry at you....but not sure how you could have changed anything, because i believe that every mom wants the best for their child...so you let him go, hoping for a better life for him....i wonder, where are you?...who are you? what do you look like?....do your eyes widen and your nose shy away when you cry like his does?.....does he have your big black eyes?....these are the questions that burden me as Mother's Day comes and the questions that will make him feel incomplete on Mother's Day as he gets older...these are the questions that i want answers to so that i can complete my son and his story....
Your son didn't always feel like my son, or our son.......it took me very long to accept him as my son...and i am sorry for that...i know that you wanted a mom for him that would fall in love with him at first sight...and i did not do that....the first year was so hard, and often i just waited for you to come and pick him up...i felt alone and overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a mom to a child that needed me so badly....i wasn't ready to be his mom....and his need for me made me feel angry at him...and often at you...i prided myself on being an amazing mom to my two children...and he came along and challenged everything about me...he asked me to love him with every ounce of my existence, and i didn't know how to....mom's are selfless, but he made me feel selfish..because i held back sometimes...being his mom would mean that i would have to love him...and if i loved him, i would have to mend his pain...and to do that, i would have to think about where he came from and what he had been through...and i couldn't do that...it was too painful....so instead, i chose to be angry......
Mother's Day is here....and I am no longer afraid.....I am proud to be his mom and so proud for the child he
is and for the man he will one day be...in the past two years, i have watched our son grow into a young little boy who knows where he is headed...Your son... OUR son... is an amazing little boy and you would be so proud of him.....he is caring, loving, sweet, so cute, and never gives up...he wants to just be loved...love is his only need...he currently fills his need for love with food...because it is the one thing in his life he feels in control of....but Birth Mom, you would be so proud....he is only 5 years old but has gone through more than most adults have....he is a fighter.....we teach him to be strong and to know that he is smart and deserves to be whoever he wants to be....that he will grow up to be somebody amazing one day and he will change the world...he says he wants to adopt 9 children....!....he is persistent, and he is everything you imagined your son to be....so on Mother's Day, I want you to be proud....of your son and our son.....for the life that we will give him together....because no matter where you are, you will always be in our hearts...in his heart..
To you and to me....Happy Mother's Day from OUR son...
Though many times I try to forget you, I can't help but see your face in our son....he has big black eyes and a smile that warms your heart....Though I don't know where you are or what you look like, I think about you everyday....sometimes with love, and sometimes with anger....I wonder what you would say to me if you met me, and what i would say to you...some days i feel that i would hug you and just cry...for all the pain and love that I feel in our son....and some days i feel that i would just scream....for the loneliness i often see in his eyes and the doubt in his heart....but i love your son...our son....it scares me to know that one day he will ask about you....because though i know i want him to cherish you, i am scared that he will want to know so much more than i will ever be able to give him....and with those unanswered questions, i am afraid that he will feel empty....every day i feel that i try so hard to love him and to give him everything he needs, but often i feel like a failure, because every kid wants to know where they come from....he belongs with me, but comes from you....and no matter how hard i try to feel that i will be enough, i know that he will never feel complete without knowing about you....and days like that, i am angry at you....but not sure how you could have changed anything, because i believe that every mom wants the best for their child...so you let him go, hoping for a better life for him....i wonder, where are you?...who are you? what do you look like?....do your eyes widen and your nose shy away when you cry like his does?.....does he have your big black eyes?....these are the questions that burden me as Mother's Day comes and the questions that will make him feel incomplete on Mother's Day as he gets older...these are the questions that i want answers to so that i can complete my son and his story....
Your son didn't always feel like my son, or our son.......it took me very long to accept him as my son...and i am sorry for that...i know that you wanted a mom for him that would fall in love with him at first sight...and i did not do that....the first year was so hard, and often i just waited for you to come and pick him up...i felt alone and overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a mom to a child that needed me so badly....i wasn't ready to be his mom....and his need for me made me feel angry at him...and often at you...i prided myself on being an amazing mom to my two children...and he came along and challenged everything about me...he asked me to love him with every ounce of my existence, and i didn't know how to....mom's are selfless, but he made me feel selfish..because i held back sometimes...being his mom would mean that i would have to love him...and if i loved him, i would have to mend his pain...and to do that, i would have to think about where he came from and what he had been through...and i couldn't do that...it was too painful....so instead, i chose to be angry......
Mother's Day is here....and I am no longer afraid.....I am proud to be his mom and so proud for the child he
is and for the man he will one day be...in the past two years, i have watched our son grow into a young little boy who knows where he is headed...Your son... OUR son... is an amazing little boy and you would be so proud of him.....he is caring, loving, sweet, so cute, and never gives up...he wants to just be loved...love is his only need...he currently fills his need for love with food...because it is the one thing in his life he feels in control of....but Birth Mom, you would be so proud....he is only 5 years old but has gone through more than most adults have....he is a fighter.....we teach him to be strong and to know that he is smart and deserves to be whoever he wants to be....that he will grow up to be somebody amazing one day and he will change the world...he says he wants to adopt 9 children....!....he is persistent, and he is everything you imagined your son to be....so on Mother's Day, I want you to be proud....of your son and our son.....for the life that we will give him together....because no matter where you are, you will always be in our hearts...in his heart..
To you and to me....Happy Mother's Day from OUR son...
"Legacy of an Adopted Child"
Once there were two women who never knew each other,
One - you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives shaped to make yours,
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life, and the second taught you to live in it.
The first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent; the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile; the other dried your tears.
One gave you up - that's all she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
Now you ask through all your tears the age-old question through the years;
Heredity or environment - which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling - neither - just two different kinds of love...One - you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives shaped to make yours,
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life, and the second taught you to live in it.
The first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent; the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile; the other dried your tears.
One gave you up - that's all she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
Now you ask through all your tears the age-old question through the years;
Heredity or environment - which are you a product of?
