I thought I was done blogging, but I couldn't help but post Amay's update...Amay has been doing amazingly better since we got back to the U.S....I think his insecurities about where he was headed and where "home" was has finally vanished and he feels more comfortable...we obviously still have a lot of "adoption" related issues such as attachment and grieving, but overall, I must say that I am truly very happy and proud of how well he is doing.....he is picking up on the language and really trying to fit in with his siblings...... ..though I am still not "in love" with him, yesterday, i felt the feeling of love for him...and it was a big step in my relationship with him...i have been feeling like i have been "babysitting" somebody's child...but for the first time yesterday, I felt true love for him....from all the reading and support i have received from adoptive mothers, i have been told that it is okay to "fake" your love for the child and just "pretend" you love him until the day arrives when you truly love him...so that is what i have been doing...i have been hugging him every morning and telling him i love him every night...and though it felt wierd since i was having a hard time feeling any of it, it felt good just to show him love...and yesterday, i didn't have to fake it...i actually felt it in my heart.......and I think he felt it too....I hurt my toe yesterday with a chair and he heard me scream in pain, and he ran to me and said "oh mommy"...and he kneeled down in push up position and kissed my big toe.....and i carried him up and just held him in my arms......not faking any love....just truly loving him and missing him for the 4 years he wasn't with me....
Satya is still confused about Amay and not sure how to "share" everybody he loves...Satya has never been a "materialistic" kid...he doesn't care if somebody takes his favorite toy or if he doesn't get something...but when he has to "share" his little sister or his mommy/daddy...it hits home...and i think that is where he is struggling.....but Amay's love and resilience will soon win him over too...and I am confident that Satya is going to open his heart to him....with just a little more time...he keeps telling me "mommy, i just need more time!"...and time is what we will give him.....
Satya is still confused about Amay and not sure how to "share" everybody he loves...Satya has never been a "materialistic" kid...he doesn't care if somebody takes his favorite toy or if he doesn't get something...but when he has to "share" his little sister or his mommy/daddy...it hits home...and i think that is where he is struggling.....but Amay's love and resilience will soon win him over too...and I am confident that Satya is going to open his heart to him....with just a little more time...he keeps telling me "mommy, i just need more time!"...and time is what we will give him.....
Beautiful! I love watching God's plan unfold and seeing him answer our prayers for you and your family
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to see your post today. I felt really sorry for you and Amay over the last couple of posts. Happy that both of you are able to bond with each other. The kiss on the toe is priceless :-) As time goes by , you'll see that Amay and Satya will become best buddies as they are so close in age. You might actually need another buddy for your little girl. Keep that thought alive :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Sumi - I was also so excited to see you posted something. I was just thinking about you yesterday and how I want to come see you and meet Amay. Are you guys free this weekend?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I know how you feel about not loving your child right away and feeling guilt about it as society has taught us that a mother's love should be instantaneous. I honestly did not truly love Nora until she was 8 months old. At first I just felt like I was taking care of a baby that has turned my life inside down and cannot imagine a day where I will say it was all worth it .... Well baby, the day arrive and now I cannot imagine my life without her nor do I want to imagine it.