Mommy, are you coming back?

A typical day at the Mehta household starts with Amay crying EVERY morning when i go into the shower.........I sit him down on my bed and explain to him that Mommy is going to take a shower and will be right back....and he still asks, "mommy, are you coming back?"....and though the night before, I would promise myself that I wouldn't lose my patience with him when he asks me those five words over and over, somehow, i can't help myself but get emotional...so every morning, i answer, "yes, i will be right back"......and get myself into the shower.....I am the girl that sings in the shower....actually, let me rephrase that...I USED to be the girl that sang beautiful Hindi songs in the shower, loud and out of tune...but loved it!...but now, I am the girl that cries in the shower while my son cries on my bed yelling for me....all I hear is "mommy, mommy, mommy!".....and now, I cringe everytime he says Mommy....because i know it will be followed by "are you coming back?"....and of course, the natural thought for everybody, myself included, is that he asks me b/c he is insecure...BUT, when I go to the kitchen, he asks " mommy, are you coming back?"...when i go to the bathroom, he asks again, and then again, and again, until I get mad and say, "of course mommy is coming back!"....and of course, this is a cycle...b/c when i yell at him, i sit in my bed every night feeling horrible.....I get caught in the hustle and bustles of life that I forget that Amay isn't just another child...he isn't Sitara and Satya....he comes with so many needs that I HAVE to nurture....and I can't excuse my actions just b/c it was another busy day on mom's agenda...I have to slow down and make sure that he knows that yes, even after taking a shower, mommy will be right back.....

The wonderful thing about Amay's transition into his new life is that he has pretty much followed what the books have told me about toddler adoptions...Amay had a great "honeymoon" stage that lasted about 2 days where he absolutely loved me...and then he entered "grievance" where he cried every night and didn't really want much to do with me b/c he wasn't sure if he was with us temporarily...and then about a month ago, he hit "frustration"...where he was becoming frustrated with me b/c he believes that I am his birth mother and I left him years ago while still keeping his siblings Sita and Satya with me...so he spent many days getting frustrated with me and crying "mommy, mommy!"...almost like him screaming, "mommy, why did you leave me?"....and due to our language barrier, I wasn't able to really communicate much with him...so Sunny had the "the talk" with him....the talk about his birth parents...who loved him a lot and couldn't keep him but wanted the best for him...and about us, who wanted a beautiful little boy in our family...and how we all came together...so that he would understand that he had birth parents and that though he was once given up, we would never let that happen again and that he is here to stay....and after many nights of Sunny talking to him, we have come to some days where he doesn't cry when I go into the shower....but still, many days where he still asks, "mommy, are you coming back?"...and though i get annoyed every time he asks me....it still breaks my heart into a million pieces...and I gather those pieces every day to stay strong...so i can yell at them when they don't clean their rooms and when they don't eat their veggies....the wonderful life of a stay at home mom!....:)