Final thoughts before we fly.......

So, finally, i am all packed and have tripled checked everything....we went to see the movie "Chimpanzee" with the kids yesterday...it was a good way to celebrate our family of four before we add one more...the movie was good for the kids before our trip...as it was about a male Chimpanzee who adopts a baby chimpanzee.....Satya loved it...and he kept talking about how it's important to even to adopt animals...sweet boy!...anyhow, the closer i get to this trip, the more i am getting nervous....and all the questions that i had before our entire adoption process have resurfaced..."how if i don't love him the way i love my biological kids"..."how if he hates me"..."how if he becomes depressed with the transition".."will i go through 'post adoption depression'"..."how if he doesn't get along with Satya and Sitara".."how will Satya deal with another child his age"....I know all these questions are normal....and it is time now that i let God take care of the rest...i am putting my faith in Him and letting Him guide me through it.....here we go.....!...i probably won't write more now until after the court date...but will let you know how it goes.....I am going to miss my husband so much...have never been away from him for so long...ugghhh.....

Getting Ready to Travel...

Friday April 20th was when we received the phone call for our court date.....i couldn't believe it.....in just a little more than a week, we had to be in India for court.....I was waiting for this day for the past year, and now, i was thinking "there is no way i can be ready in a week!"....but here we are now.....ready to travel.....so much to do in between, but nothing as important as finally meeting him.....Though Sunny won't be able to travel with me for our first encounter, I am taking the two kids with me so we can finally meet Amay....i can feel that everybody is emotional, even my son Satya..i know that my daughter Sitara has a vague idea of what is coming up, because every day now, she asks to see pictures of Amay!...We are all dealing with our own emotions, but we are mostly overcome with excitement to finally hold Amay in our arms......we are in the midst of packing.....making sure that i don't forget a single document....i am so nervous...so very nervous, especially to go without Sunny who has been there with me throughout this entire process......but we will see how it all goes....We fly out Sunday.....as for now, i have to go finish packing.....

Leading to the Court Date....

Before receiving our referral back in November, we spent the past year filling out paperwork, doing interviews, writing personal statements, more paperwork, fingerprints, background checks, letters of recommendations, making family albums, employment letters,and did i mention...PAPERWORK....yeap, it seemed like the paperwork was endless...everyday was a new set of forms we had to fill out or a new medical test we had to get done to prove that we met all the criteria to be adoptive parents.....and in the midst of all the paperwork, i forgot what we were even working towards or what we were waiting for.....until we received the call in November....the call from our agency referring us to a 3 year old boy they believed "fit well in our family"....and when they asked us if we would accept his referral, we couldn't let this blessing pass us by....which then led us to the waiting period.....

Everyday after November was a day without our son....he was no longer just a child we were waiting for from India....he now had a name, and we had a picture and a five minute video.....and every day that we spent in the U.S as a family, we spent it as an incomplete family...as our son was waiting for us....and our definition of family had a new meaning...


While waiting for the last stretch of paperwork to clear before our court date, i spent the past 5 months trying to prepare emotionally and mentally for everything that may come my way when our family grows....and just when i thought i had everything figured out and knew exactly how i would deal with things......my 4 year old son asked me "When Amay comes, will you love me the same, will Sitara love me the same.?"......and then i knew, not only was i not prepared for what lied ahead, i was terrified...and maybe i will never be prepared.....but at the same time that my son's question astonished and scared me, his statement after that brought me back to the peace in my heart that now continues to stay with me....right after his question, he said "it's okay mom, because i know i am lucky because i have parents that love me, and now Amay will be lucky too..."...this one simple statement from him has carried me through......and though i am still scared, nervous, lost, and often not sure of how to feel....i am mostly feeling lucky....lucky and blessed to be a part of this journey....and to have wonderful family and friends to share it with.....

To say that our family has been through many ups and downs during this journey would be an understatement....and though i know that my husband and my kids have struggled through their own emotions during this process, i can only speak for myself...and for me, this journey has been more than just a process...it has become a way of life.....I have spent many days crying, doubting, wanting, not knowing, loving, and every other emotion in between.....and i would be lying if i didn't say that i never questioned my ability as a mother...and not just any mother, but an adoptive mother...and to this day, i still do.......but now i have come to terms with it....and i now know that it is okay to doubt...it is okay if as a mom i don't have all the answers to why i feel the way i do.....all i know is that i will love him with all my heart....because without even knowing him, i already love him...just the way i loved my two little ones when they were in my tummy....without even having met them....and i guess adoption for me has been very similar to pregnancy...a very long pregnacy....an emotional one...and yeah, sometimes i would have cravings to eat junk food...not from the hormones, but from all the stress...:)...and i am now at my last trimester of my "pregnancy" where i just want him to be here where i can hold him, kiss him, and never let him go.....

The decision to adopt....

Our journey to Amay started many years ago, even before we knew him, as adoption wasn't an overnight decision for us as a family. It was a decision that was many years in the making, and perhaps one that even I didn't know would come reality for me until I met my wonderful husband Sunny.  Every girl dreams of one day marrying her prince charming and living a happily ever after life.  For me, the day I married Sunny was the day that all my dreams fell into place...and adoption was one of them....As it turned out,  Sunny shared my same dream and our journey began then, almost 5 years ago when we got married.  After two beautiful children, we began to discuss our desire to adopt, and one year after our youngest daughter was born, we applied to Holt and began this long, tiresome, yet exciting and emotional journey to our child who we now know is Amay!

Our Journey Starts

This blog is about our family's journey to bring our son Amay home. This is a picture of the newest member of our family...