It's been almost a month since finally meeting our son...and I have experienced many different emotions in such a short period of time.....I have loved him for the beautiful child he is...empathasized with him for all that he must have endured in the past four years.....been angry at him for hitting and yelling at me.....have been confused at how our family of five and extended family will all come together....have been frustrated with myself for not being as patient and loving as I should be and as I know I am with my biological children.....everyday with Amay brings on a new emotion.....but mostly, I have been surprised at how unnatural the entire transition has felt for me.....calling him my son was very natural for me...and taking care of him is also very natural for me.....but small things like washing him after he uses the bathroom or wiping his boogers (haha) feels unnatural....but I guess even that will take time.....I realize that adoption in itself is naturally unnatural...but all the feelings that come along with it are often hard to deal with....it challenges my own understanding of who I believe to be....for the first time, I have realized that even a mother-son relationship can feel unnatural if it isn't nurtured from the beginning.....though Amay has taught me that no matter how frustrated or mad I become with him, he will always want me to comfort him....in that, I have realized that is natural for a child to have and need a mother.....even if he didn't have a mother for the first four years of his life, it is natural for a child to be comforted in his mother's arms......
No comments:
Post a Comment