The Struggle Continues

So, the struggle continues.....things seem to be getting harder than easier.....Amay had attached to me right away, but now as I get a bit more frustrated with him, he is getting a bit more confused....He won't listen to anything I say and has been anxious about everything...the other day we went to the park and he thought i was going to leave him there so he quickly ran to me and started crying....This whole process is testing me in more ways than I know how to handle...I read almost 50 books on toddler adoptions and was ready for every scenario, and now that Amay is finally with me, I can only think with my emotions and am feeling overwhelmed and not able to really set anything straight in my head.....I want to cry because I am sad that I am not able to love him the way he wants me to love him...and at the same time, i am just tired......He is constantly testing my patience....I don't know what he is thinking....sometimes he just starts crying...I don't know if he misses the orphanage...sometimes he screams "TAI"...which is what he is to call his caretakers....I keep telling Sunny how hard it is...and though Sunny has been amazing with all my emotions, he is great at reminding me that it must be just as hard for Amay....everything is new for both of us...neither one of us understand each other....The kids have not taken to each other as well as I had hoped...though I had expected it...I had expected all of this...just am now in the moment of it all......Satya is a great big brother...Yesterday, while I was talking to Sunny on the phone, I promised him that I would be more patient with Amay..This morning when I lost my patience, Satya said "mom, remember what you promised Papa?"...He keeps me in check.....God, give me patience........Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and comments...it helps me a lot....