Surviving.....

Wow, it has been a hectic week with the three kids....i cry every day when talking with Sunny, as I miss him so very much...i just want him to come here and just be with us....this transition has been a lot for me...Amay is done with his "honeymoon" phase and is now in his "frustration" phase...he hits me a lot, and kicks and screams...he is frustrated with the language barrier...it is tough for both of us not to understand each other...he wants me to constantly assure him that I am his mother so every 2 minutes he says "mummy?"...but it has been extremely hard with Satya and Sitara as they also are feeling a bit confused....especially Sitara...she wants to always sit on my lap and Amay won't allow it....he wants me to himself...but is really frustrated and has a lot of energy...he doesn't listen to anything i say...i hope this phase passes as it is really hard without Sunny here.....I feel guilty not being able to love him the way i know i should...but i think it will take time for me....anyhow, i can't write much...i can't wait to be home....it is hard here....very very hot.....kids getting bored in small apartment...nothing to do.....everybody is getting anxious...i just want to be home right now so i can start my own routine with everything...i know God has a plan and this is the only thing that is keeping me going...Amay was part of God's plan for us...and I really need Him to give me the strength and show me the love so i can pass it down to my kids...all three of them....i am truly very exhausted......but Amay is very happy with me....he shows it often by kissing and hugging me....so regardless of how tired i am....it is all worth it just to know that he will be happy now...with his "forever family"...Sunny has been amazing throughout this process even though he is not with me..he continues to let me know that i am strong enough and i can do this...he reminds me that it is okay not to feel an instant connection..and it is okay to feel guilty...and sad...and overwhelmed...all of which i am feeling....so I am thankful for my wonderful and amazing husband.....i have to go now as the kids are banging on the door.....basically, i am surviving....until Sunny gets here.....